Planning an event for the kids such as communion, bar or bat mitzvah, or even a birthday party, can turn a happy event into a nerve wrecking one. Here are some practical tips for those divorced parents who are planning a joint event for their child, and are looking to spare themselves much unneeded agony:
Do not leave planning for the last minute. Discuss your plans ahead of time. If you are having a hard time communicating, use emails. Do not leave things for the last minute and make sure that you are both aware of all the options, and what the financial and practical meaning of each option may be.
As frustrated as you may sometimes feel, keep your communications respectful, and to the point. One sentence, not to say one word, can throw the whole process off and set a huge fire. Think before you say something, If the other parent is not maintaining respectful communications, do not get sucked into it. Remember: your goal is for your child to have a great event, and that is where your focus should be. Negative communications will not help you in achieving that goal, to the contrary, they may sabotage it.
Remain goal oriented:
Set your goals clearly. What are you looking to accomplish for your child? You should not use this event to showcase anything to the other parent, and not to teach them any lessons. You are not the center of attention, your child is. Your goals should therefore be centered around your child. Keep reminding yourself of what your goals are in planning this event, and check with yourself if you feel that you are not remaining focused around the goals that you have initially defined to yourself.
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